I chose this week to be grieving on purpose.

Death and loss has been a constant shadow for so many people lately. It is a difficult time for several people that I know and love. My extended Rainbow family is gathering together on Saturday to remember an amazing man and celebrate the first anniversary of his death by going to the nature school and doing a great deal of service work.

Suffering, loss, and grieving have been part of my life a lot lately. James and I have struggled with infertility for two years. You can read more about our infertility journey here. Last month we had a procedure called an IUI and it didn’t take. My doctor has referred us to a specialist and we are hopeful, but getting my period last week felt like a huge blow. I don’t know how it’s possible to miss something you’ve never had so deeply.

I am constantly aware of how much my life is not panning out like I had planned it. Anyone else ever have this relatable moment from 500 Days of Summer?

500days

So where is the joy in suffering? Is there silver lining?

James told me today that the word in Chinese for crisis is also the same word for opportunity.

In a previous blog post, I talked about how life is made up of seasons. As the Byrds told us (quoting Ecclesiastes), “To everything, turn, turn, turn. There is a season, turn, turn, turn. And a time to every purpose under heaven.”

There will always be seasons of grief in our lives. What we do with the grief is what matters. Do we see our grief as a crisis or an opportunity?

God is with us in our seasons of grief. Jesus tells his disciples and tells us in John 14 “Don’t be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in me.” Man, that is really, really hard. When your heart is completely on the line and you’ve got nothing left to give, it is so difficult not to turn inward and try to work through everything on your own. But we don’t have to. And we shouldn’t. 

This week we are going to be talking about grief. We’ll spend time every day meditating on a different Psalm. But mostly, we will lean on one another for support, for solidarity, and to build one another up in our times of deepest trouble.

Because night will always push up day.

 

I’ll leave you with a song from Mumford and Sons.

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won’t rot, I won’t rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won’t rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That’s why I hold,
That’s why I hold with all I have.
That’s why I hold.

And I won’t die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I’ll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I’m scared of what’s behind and what’s before.

And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

Selah.

 

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